Look at the blog, Larry. Just look at that blog.

This is gonna be about Band-Aids. It's pretty great.

Archive for the ‘Week 13: Finish’ Category

#54. This is the end, my friend.

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So my first post was about collapsing after my first day of hardcore working out, and how there’s no Band-Aid in existence that can deal with that kind of exhaustion. Exercise is great. I love exercising. I’ve been doing very little of it lately. Yet, even as I sit back and contemplate the last Band-Aid-packed semester, I can see all the changes in my life that have come crashing into view over the last couple months.

I have a girlfriend now.

I’m going to Italy this summer.

I’m in film school.

I saw a horse this one time.

And with all of those achievements, I’m not that upset that what started as WORKOUT SEMESTER!!! GONNA GET IN SHAPE! didn’t really end that way. I mean, I’ve started working out again. Just a little bit though- enough to even out the junk food I eat, but nothing really beyond that. I’m okay with things being like that. ¬†And even though I despised most of my classes, the end results are clearly worth the struggles I had to… struggle… through.

I like the idea, though, of beginning with exercise and ending with exercise. Like a great man once said, this is “sort of like poetry, they rhyme, every stanza kind of rhymes with the last one.”

This isn’t going to be a super long post. I really just wanted to reflect on what I’ve gone through at the finish line of this semester.

Oh, and one last thing.

I never, never, NEVER want to see another Band-Aid as long as I live.

NEVER

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Written by mandudeman

May 4, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Posted in Week 13: Finish

#50. But what about after…?

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So I’ve been thinking about Band-Aids in terms of ‘finish,’ and what keeps coming to mind is what happens to a Band-Aid after it’s been used. Obviously, a sane person would throw out said Band-Aid and never think about it again. But, considering that ‘sane person’ is just about the last thing anyone would use to describe someone who’s constantly thinking about Band-Aids, I think I have a little leeway here.

Alright, so my plan is as follows:

Brainstorm a brazillion possible uses for Band-Aids after they’ve already been worn. Alright ready three two one GO.

Remove the sterile cotton part, melt down the latex and re-form it into new Band-Aids (after it’s been thoroughly cleaned, of course).

Build a car that runs on disgusting, unwanted medical waste (like used Band-Aids!).

Leave them in the forest, and when a hungry, mischievous raccoon chokes on one, give it the Heimlich maneuver and be a national hero for saving indigenous wildlife.

Throw them in a landfill. (‘a brazillion possible uses.’ Nothing about ‘insightful, creative uses’ in there).

Tie them together to form some kind of Band-Aid whip, and then hunt down criminals under my new moniker: ‘The Great Bandino.’

Keep them in a pile outside my house and let them fester and become this fetid stench-ridden pile of sickness. Spend the rest of my life never being bothered by a Jehovah’s Witness ever again.

Wash them off and sell them in shady back-alley Band-Aid black market deals. Those poor chumps will never know they’re being ripped off.

Send them back to Johnson & Johnson and ask for a full refund, claiming that the box does not explicitly say ‘Serious infection can occur if Band-Aids are re-used on open wounds.’

Sue Johnson & Johnson when the previous idea backfires miserably.

Use old Band-Aids as food when Johnson & Johnson countersues and leaves me penniless and broken.

Cover a sheet of posterboard with used Band-Aids, attempt to sell it to The Metropolitan Museum of Art as something ‘daring and unique.’

Use it to heal opposite-world children who need used, disease-ridden health products when they scrape their knees.

Sell them to rival bandage companies, claiming that I can unlock the moneymaking secrets of their competitors’ products.

Put it in my hand and flash it in front of a dog so the dog thinks I’m holding a dog biscuit, then run around the house and have the dog chase me.

Put a 2-page ad in Nickelodeon Magazine for “Super Gross Extreme Awesome ‘Used’ Band-Aid Fun Pack.” Sit back and let the money roll in.

Written by mandudeman

May 4, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Posted in Week 13: Finish

#48. At this point in Blog Crunch 2011, I’m out of cool titles. I… I got nothing.

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Seriously, the cool titles are naught but a faded memory wafting away on the breeze of I-shouldn’t-have-waited-until-the-last-minute-to-do-all-these. But that’s not important. What is important is my thoughts on ‘finish.’

The first thing that popped into my head was, not surprisingly, not thinking about Band-Aids. Big shocker, I know. But what comes after Band-Aids? For me, at least, it’s film school. And right now, considering I’m not actually taking any film school classes yet (BRING ON NEXT SEMESTER! WOO!), what I’ve been doing is reading scripts online. You can totally do that now. There’s some section of IMDB that lets you read scripts. It’s great. I’ll read anything. and I mean that. Anything. Remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street? Check. Megamind? Check. That one movie where Samuel L. Jackson is a psycho cop who terrorizes the couple living next door to him? Oh, you better believe that’s a check. Even though two-thirds of that last script was just Samuel L. Jackson yelling obscene threats while brandishing gardening equipment.

But anyways, that’s what my mind turns to when I think ‘finish.’ And there has to be a way to tie Band-Aids into that somehow. In a sense, it’s like Band-Aids flow into screenplays. When one avenue ends, another opens up. And, as I wrote that last sentence, an idea struck me. Right in the face.

Print out the first pages of a bunch of screenplays. Stick them together with Band-Aids. Somehow… create art. Art from all of this. It’ll totally work.

So, I put ’em up on the wall….

Oh yeah.

That didn’t really do anything for me.

But then I had an idea… what if the scripts were in an arrow… an arrow pointing to my future?

Now we're getting somewhere.

That’s preeeeettty good, but it’s not great. Also, the arrow is, coincidentally, pointing to my bathroom as well.

I probably didn’t need to mention that, actually. But the important thing is, I had a real idea this time. These scripts are helping me climb my way out of Band-Aids and into film school. As I finish with Band-Aids, I’m using a combination of screenplay and Band-Aid to rise to new, never-before-seen heights.

Sounds good, no?

Looks pretty good, too.

Written by mandudeman

May 4, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Posted in Week 13: Finish