Look at the blog, Larry. Just look at that blog.

This is gonna be about Band-Aids. It's pretty great.

#47. Scrub-a-dub dub.

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Have you ever done the dishes?

It’s an intense experience, I know. There’s sweat. Pain. Life-threatening injury. Doing the dishes is something that takes an unrelenting willpower, a fire that burns within. Personally, I measure dish cleanliness by the amount of my own blood pooled around my feet. But that’s just me. Some people, they get upset if a little water splashes on to them. Conveniently, I have something for that second group. Those like me, the ones that view dishwashing as a gore-drenched life-or-death struggle… we have no release from the constant agony of our nightmarish existences. But if you get a little bit annoyed when dishwater splashes up and gets on a shirt you just cleaned yesterday, then you should be fine.

This all came to me while I was washing the dishes… obviously. After some dirty dishwater befouled my favorite Mr. Show T-Shirt, an ingenious new idea popped into my brain: if I coated my clothes with Band-Aids, they’d never get wet! Band-Aids are totally water-resistant. I think. Probbbbbably. Because I hate getting soaked with that awful dishwater. But if there was some way I could promise myself no splashes would occur, I’d do dishes day and night. Maybe.

But yeah, now that the idea’s in place, it must be tested. And a-testing I will go.

First step: Cover portion of now-ruined Mr. Show t-shirt in Band-Aids.

Check.

Second step: Place shirt over head and onto torso.

Check.

Third step: Splash foul, unholy dishwater all over Band-Aided region.

Feeling damp and sad. Also, check.

And finally, Fourth step: remove Band-Aids to reveal soft, warm, undamaged t-shirt, proving that when I promise something will work, it always does, no matter what, under any circumstances.

Or... to reveal intermittent patches of splotchy dampness.

So clearly this didn’t work. Maybe it’s because the unspeakable power of dirty dishwasher can conquer any foe. Maybe it’s because I used cloth Band-Aids and not the latex ones, because they were the only box I had in my house.

It could be any reason, really.

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Written by mandudeman

May 4, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Posted in Week 9: Promise

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