Look at the blog, Larry. Just look at that blog.

This is gonna be about Band-Aids. It's pretty great.

#36. For I am… The Grillmaster. Bow down and worship my beef-soaked form.

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‘Sup guys. All you out in the (it pains me to say this) ‘blog-o-sphere.’ Any of you ever been to a barbecue?

They’re pretty cool. Hot meat cooking on the grill. The smells. The sounds. That feeling when your teeth cut through the smoky crackle of the charred outside of a burger, only to feel the rich hamburger flavor wash over your taste buds.

I like barbecues. A lot. Hell, one of my all-time favorite memories is manning the grill at a big family gathering last summer.

Sausage links. Barbecued chicken. Even asparagus. On a barbecue grill. Try it. You’ll love it.

I had ’em all grilling at once… watching for that tiny bit of char on the outside of the meat… keeping my BBQ sauce levels in check… maintaining an even color on all sides of the sausage. For that brief, brief summer afternoon, I was not myself.

I was The Grillmaster.

So when I was invited to a barbecue yesterday, I started to get flashbacks. I started thinking about how good it’ll feel to get a hot-off-the-grill burger in my stomach. And at this point, I realize that I was invited to someone else’s (I’m keeping all names anonymous for safety reasons) house for free food, but still it must be said:

The burgers tasted like Band-Aids.

Now, growing up, every dad had a different burger philosophy. It was all unspoken, of course, but over time one picks up on these things.

My friend Mark- his dad made burgers that were small but really thick. Each bite let loose an uproar of flavor, but were done after two or three bites.

My friend Jamie- his dad made fairly traditional burgers. Medium circumference, medium thickness, decent amount of char on top. The standard American hamburger.

And my dad- his were thinner than your traditional burger, but that means you get more surface area for griddle marks. Plus, a little extra meat sticks out around the patty, so overall you can get more bites out of one burger.

No burger is best, but each burger is unique. And the burgers from yesterday… Pre-frozen patties cooked by the one vegetarian attending the barbecue.

I didn’t want to be a bad guest. I didn’t say anything. I thanked everyone for the food. But something inside me… It cried out for barbecue.

And real barbecue tastes nothing like Band-Aids.

That is all.


Written by mandudeman

April 19, 2011 at 6:39 am

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