Look at the blog, Larry. Just look at that blog.

This is gonna be about Band-Aids. It's pretty great.

#27. Ah-hyuk hyuk hyuk.

with one comment

Ok.

Experience.

I… I got nothin’. Well, maybe something.

For example, what if I could tie Band-Aids into an important life experience of mine? Like this one time, where I was taking horseback lessons as a child, but I got thrown off my horse and into a briar patch, and had to wear Band-Aids all over my body for weeks. Then when I went to Disneyworld and tried to ride Splash Mountain, the part where the car/boat/old-timey log goes over the waterfall into the bramble patch gave me horseback-riding-war-flashbacks and I spent a year in a psychiatric ward.

Also none of this ever happened. But I did go to a preschool where we got to ride horses. And I fucking love splash mountain.

Ok this is like the closest I can get. So here goes:

Since I was thinking about Splash Mountain (SO FUCKING AWESOME), I remembered this little vignette from Childhood Adam’s Boyhood Memories.

So I’m in Disneyworld, right? And it’s like, the quintessential childhood experience, right? Only it’s like, totally not. Now, I know Band-Aids are supposed to fix actual, physical injuries, but what about emotional ones? What about the pain I feel inside my very soul? If you’ve been to Disney World in the last 10 years or so, you know what I’m talking about. First there was the A Bug’s Life ride.

That ride is NOT for children. Not in the least. Now, my memories are pretty fuzzy, because, let’s face it, I was ten, but I’m pretty sure there was a giant flyswatter smushing the people in the front row. And an evil grasshopper with the voice of what I assume is a Kevin Spacey sound-alike informing the audience of their imminent, insect-related demise. Also the seats would move like swarms of bugs were under my butt and there was a wind thing too.

My point is…

Well my first point is this- that specific ride/section of Disney World can jump up its own ass and die.

But my main point is that I’m still haunted by that ride. A ride at Disney World. Seriously. Also there was a dinosaur roller coaster where a giant dinosaur head reaches down and tries to eat you. That one scared the fuck out of me too. And I remember reading in the Disney guidebook my parents bought that there was a ride where a cute little character gets ‘discombobulated’ (I STILL REMEMBER THE EXACT WORD TO THIS DAY) by a giant horrific alien.

Maybe my problem was just that I was ten years old and riding all of the big-kid rides. But still. Disney World.

Anyway, the main idea of all this was that, since it’s no fun being scared shitless at the Happiest Place on Earth, my parents bought me this awesome stuffed dinosaur. And an awesome stuffed dinosaur can heal any wound inflicted on a ten-year old boy.

Sorta like a Band-Aid. See what I’m getting at here?

This one was a bit of a reach, but… Life experience. Emotional agony. Solved with toy dinosaur. Just like a Band-Aid would heal a physical wound.

Not too bad, I guess.

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Written by mandudeman

March 23, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Posted in Week 7: Experience

One Response

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  1. I like this story. I had nothing for experience for a while too- I think I might use your strategy of tying band aids into a life experience you had, like falling off the log flume ride on splash mountain. Whether or not that really happened it’s still funny to me lol.

    n.a.b.

    April 10, 2011 at 11:01 pm


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