Look at the blog, Larry. Just look at that blog.

This is gonna be about Band-Aids. It's pretty great.

Twenty-Four. Now THIS is Band-Aid Racing.

with one comment

So I was using that ‘we-learned-it-in-class’ technique for imagining other famous people/characters and what they would have to say about Band-Aids.

And obbbbbviously, since I have a… small man-crush on Jon Hamm (Mad Men. Please, please, PLEASE tell me you watch Mad Men), my mind leapt right to what Don Draper would say about Band-Aids in relation to time.

(Don Draper is the character played by the actor Jon Hamm. Just in case that wasn’t clear and you don’t know who the hell these people are).

I figured he’d say something along the lines of:

“The people who use Band-Aids are mothers. Caring older brothers and sisters. People who spend all day thinking about the safety of their loved ones. They don’t have the luxury of time, and they certainly don’t have any to waste thinking about Band-Aids. They need something that works fast and works well. Without fail. Otherwise, that’s one more thing to worry about.

And Band-Aids work faster and better than any other brand out there.”

Just imagine that’s being spoken in the dulcet tones of Jon Hamm’s sultry voice.

(Huuuuuuuge man-crush).

Anyway, it got me thinking, and I had me an idea.

I could run a race to see which brand of Band-Aids could be taken apart and stuck to something the fastest. What with time being the directive, and all.

And so the race begins. I ‘unno how to work the video setting on this camera I borrowed, so… pictures it is then. The rules are simple. Five bandages from each brand. I start the stopwatch, take each bandage out of the box one at a time, take off the paper and put it on my arm. Hit stopwatch, record time. Lather rinse repeat for each brand.

First up out of the gate is Nexcare Heavy Duty Flexible Fabric! (Crowd noise, light smattering of applause).

I couldn't find a third brand in the standard Band-Aid shape. I'd like to think the stylish purple box more than makes up for that, though.

On your marks, get set, GO

Clearly, the winner in this race was my arm.

Yipes. 1 minute, 25 seconds. The peel-apart section on the outer papery part (the rectangle holding the whole thing) has no instructions, so I had to fondle each end before I found where the thing pulled apart. Not great.

Ok, our next contender are the Kroger latex free Strong-Strip Bandages. Let’s see if they can beat what I assume is a mediocre performance by Nexcare.


Both of the other ones held thirty. This holds twenty. You'd think Kroger would go for the quantity over quality angle, but I guess they aren't backing either horse this time around.

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready now GO GO GO

I really should have picked a part of my arm with less hair.

1:06. That ain’t too bad. Plus these little fellas came out of the box in sets of two, and each one had a brazillion little arrows pointing towards the peel-it-apart end. It’s like they read my mind.

And here it is. The heavyweight champ. The world leader. The Apollo Creed of Bandages.

Band-Aid Sport Strip. Now it’s definitely on.

'Sport' is in the title. There's no way this box won't win.

One potato. Two potato. Three potato. GO POTATO.

My arm hurts so fucking much.

Ok the potato countdown sounded a lot cooler in my head, but the name brand Band-Aids won by a whopping 12 seconds. Not only did the paper-y doodads peel apart easier, but so did the little plastic tabbies, and the bandages didn’t need to be smoothed out to make sure they stuck to my arm the right way (I’m looking at YOU, other two brands). It should be noted that I tore one of the paper thingies while pulling out the Band-Aid, but that’s not important.

And really, there’s more to these things than how fast I can put five of them on an arbitrary spot on my body. But when the week’s directive is ‘Effectiveness at healing a wound,’ or ‘Residual stickiness after a week’s worth of wear,’ then I’ll devote many a blog post to those categories.


Written by mandudeman

March 8, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Posted in Week 6: Time

One Response

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  1. Oh, I imagined it alright. LOVE MAD MEN.
    I like the idea of testing three different brands against each other, even if it did kill your arm. Good job!


    March 9, 2011 at 2:23 pm

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